My husband of 50 years had a knee replacement 3 months ago. He’s normally fit and healthy so it was quite a shock to us both the level of help required for the first few weeks. As an ex nurse I kind of knew what was entailed but it was a sharp initiation into the world of unpaid carer.
I found I had to be extremely flexible day and night, cancelling and rearranging things while doing all the dog walking, housework, cooking, food shopping and caring. I had to dig deep to find limitless patience, control my frustration at how much time the littlest things took. At the same time he was dealing with having to be totally dependent on me whilst being in a lot of pain. I found I was constantly running up and down stairs with drinks, medication, icepacks – an endless list. Inevitably on going down there would be something either one of us had forgotten! I never sat down. If I did, I simply fell asleep. Utterly exhausting.
So just as he got back to normality he had to have surgery for a detached retina last weekend. Back to square one with lots of limitations on what he can and can’t do while his eye is recovering.
I have utter admiration for those of you who are carers constantly, day after day, year after year. The level of responsibility, the exhaustion, worry, isolation because there is no time to see anyone outside of the caring bubble, must be phenomenal. The guilt you must feel when you simply feel you’ve had enough and can’t go on.
So, remember to breathe and remember that you have needs too. It’s okay to sit down, read a book, rest when you’re exhausted.
If you don’t look after yourselves who is going to look after your partner, parent or child?
Get out in nature and slow down. Notice the sunshine, the sky, the trees. Meet up with a friend and be kind to yourself.Â
Get all the help you are entitled to and enlist other family members 💗
You are incredibly special people, doing an amazing job, for love. So value yourselves.